The No. 1 phrase parents with high emotional intelligence say to reduce stress, says Harvard-trained coach

Feeling anxious and perpetually behind? You are not alone. In a recent survey from the American Psychological Association, nearly half of the parents polled reported feeling overwhelming stress on most days. 

This unrelenting strain has become so prevalent in the U.S. that the Surgeon General issued an advisory warning on the mental health and well-being of parents and caregivers.

Parents today spend more time with their kids than parents did in the mid-’60s, yet many are still plagued by guilt and worry that they’re not doing enough. In an age of compulsive comparison and childhood enrichment, it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling inadequate while overparenting. 

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In my work as a Harvard-trained EQ educator, I’ve found that there is one phrase that parents with high emotional intelligence use to help them stress less and raise capable kids: “I’m good enough.”

“Good enough” isn’t about doing the bare minimum. It’s about staying true to what matters most to you and your child’s needs — without getting caught up in other people’s unrealistic expectations. 

Here’s how they do it:

In my workshops, parents often share worries about their kids succumbing to peer pressure and social media trends. Yet we rarely talk about our own struggles with peer pressure — the need to look like we have it all together and to prove that we are raising successful children.

When we tie our self-worth to our kids’ achievements, we inevitably create anxiety and shame in ourselves and in them. This shift in focus, from parenting to performing, is a major contributor to chronic overwhelm and burnout.

Everyone’s situation is unique, and every child also develops at their own pace. Trying to keep up with the (digital) Joneses or mimicking parenting trends will only leave us drained and distracted from what truly matters.

Instead, shift from FOMO (fear of missing out) to JOMO (joy of missing out). Establish your “good enough” anchor by defining your parenting standards, acknowledging limitations and embracing trade-offs. 

For me, this means doing things like:

• Throwing a simple, cozy birthday celebration instead of stressing over elaborate party decorations 
• Feeling secure about missing my child’s event because the quality of my involvement is more important than the quantity
• Opting for the activity my child is interested in without worrying about what other parents are signing their kids up for

Ask yourself: What external validators are stressing me out? What can I let go of that is no longer serving me? 

If you’re doing everything, there is no room for others to contribute. Parents with high EQ often stress less by refusing to handle tasks they know their kids can manage on their own.

To reduce yelling and decision fatigue, establish your parenting boundaries ahead of time. Offload your stress by assigning age-appropriate chores. A tangible “I will NOT do” list helps hold your child accountable while preventing overparenting on your part.

For me, as my kids have gotten older, I don’t wake them up in the morning for school, wash their dishes, do their laundry, clean the toilet, or supervise the completion of their homework. I trust that they can take responsibility for these tasks.

Create an “I will NOT do” list with three to five items. Every six months, re-evaluate it to add more tasks as your child grows and becomes more capable. This approach prepares children for the real world by teaching them to take initiative, cope with frustration and solve problems independently.

Ultimately, the “good enough” mindset can help you let go of the pressure to try to do everything perfectly. Instead, give yourself the grace to focus on what truly matters, and empower your children to take ownership of their growth, mastery and independence.

Dr. Jenny Woo is a Harvard-trained educator, EQ researcher, and founder/CEO of Mind Brain Emotion. She created a series of educational card games and mental health tools to help kids and adults develop human skills in the age of AI. Her award-winning card games, the 52 Essential Coping Skills, 52 Essential Interview Skills, and 52 Essential Social Skills are used in 50+ countries. Follow her on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Instagram.

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