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I remember the first time I knew that the typical German life wasn’t for me. I was on vacation with my family; I must have been 13 or 14. We got to know another family with a girl my age, and we chatted about what our lives would look like at 30. When the girl talked about her future, I felt my whole body tense.
It was a visceral feeling of rejection to the story that many other people seemed to want. Get a good job, find a good man, marry, buy a house, have a child or two, and be a good citizen. Ugh. That didn’t sound like what I wanted.
My plans were completely different. I had worked since the age of 13 and knew I wanted to become the CEO of one of the best events agencies in Germany, where I lived, be well-known, and travel. Traveling and being in a position of power were passions of mine. Why leave that to the men? I never understood that thinking.
On top of that, I knew I never wanted children. Ever.
I don’t want kids for a few reasons
There were a few reasons for my lack of desire to have kids. I was born in East Germany, behind the wall. My parents and the generations before them had to fight all their lives to gain their freedom. I never wanted to be confined to one place or be tied to someone else. Freedom has always been incredibly important to me.
I was also born with kidney failure. Even after it was fixed, I still had painful urinary tract and kidney infections. Starting from the age of 4, I have been dealing with migraines, which often lasted for many days each month. Around the age of 12, I also started to experience epileptic seizures with my migraines.
Since I was little, I felt like I had to fight for my life. I just wanted to make the best out of my life through all of the pain, ongoing doctor visits, and uncertainty about my future. With all of this, I simply couldn’t see myself having a child to care for. I wanted to live my life for myself.
I am turning 38 this year, and I have fulfilled many of my dreams. I started traveling when I was 19 and left Germany seven years later. So far, I have traveled solo to 45 countries and lived in nine. I am the CEO of my own business, don’t have children, and am the happiest I can be.
Being child-free has allowed me to invest in myself
Choosing not to have kids has allowed me to invest my time, money, energy, and other resources in myself. For my 30th birthday, I trekked to Machu Picchu. I also danced in the official Carnaval of Rio de Janeiro with one of the best Samba schools, Mangueira. We won the official Samba championship that year.
I’ve had the time to do extensive research, worked with various practitioners, and found things that help me cope with many of my health issues. Through alternative medicine, lifestyle changes, and therapy, I was able to eliminate my kidney infections and reduce my migraines drastically. I’m working with an osteopath and other holistic practitioners to help with my nerve pain, the severity of which has decreased over time.
However, there are still days I have low energy and pain, and during these times, it would be difficult to care for anyone but myself. Remaining child-free has given me the space to take care of myself and get to know myself better.
Over the past 25 years, many people have asked me why I don’t want children. I’ve also received plenty of unsolicited advice and opinions.
For 10 years, my mom told me I just needed to find the “right one” and that when I did, I would change my mind. My grandfather always said I wouldn’t survive alone when I was old. He said I wouldn’t have anyone to care for me if I didn’t have kids.
Once, at a business networking event, I ended up in a circle of women. They were talking about their partners and children. They asked about mine, and I said I had neither. One of the women kept asking why I didn’t have children, so I explained I never wanted any. She told me I take up valuable space on this planet if I don’t have children; I was shocked.
A few years later, I met with some new friends for a lunch date when the topic came up again. One of the women was my friend, but I didn’t know the others well. When I explained how much I loved my child-free life, my friend complained that I shouldn’t use the term “child-free” and brag about it since I would offend other women who may want children but haven’t had any yet. She said I should be more quiet about my lifestyle.
It’s not just in-person — when I post about my child-free life online, I regularly get comments about how people without children are not worthy role models and how we don’t contribute to the world. Most of the time, I can brush it off and not let it get to me. Only those who fundamentally question my worth as a human being are puzzling to me. I just can’t understand how someone truly believes that a human being only has worth if they reproduce.
At almost 38, I have no regrets about my decision not to have children. You may say, “Wait another 25 years, and you’ll think differently.” But I will tell you the same thing then.
Creating a peaceful, happy, and fulfilling life is the greatest achievement, whatever that looks like for you. For me, it means living my life to the fullest, exactly as I am. Happy, healthy, and child-free.
