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- It’s getting harder to continue some of our family holiday traditions as my kids get older.
- As my children move out of the house, I know they will have different priorities.
- I’m trying to accept this change while also allowing myself to be sad.
My family has cut down our Christmas tree in the mountains for many years now. But this year, I wasn’t sure if we’d all make it.
My oldest is in college. He has a job, plans with friends, and other events going on. I’m grateful that he arranged his schedule around our family tradition for this year, but I’m not sure how long that will continue.
Another of my teens decided the night before that she didn’t want to go, and I get it. The Rocky Mountains are cold; we walk through deep drifts of snow, trying to find our tree. There’s a lot of tromping up hills. We have to cut down the tree. We then have to carry it back down those hills, slipping and sliding our way to the car.
She complained about all these things after our Thanksgiving dinner when we were all very warm and sleepy. Spending the next day in the frigid outdoors wasn’t appealing.
I’ll admit it: I guilted her into going. I said sadly that I wasn’t sure how many more years we’d all be together to do this. I bribed her with Starbucks. I pleaded a little. To her credit, she came along, and she was a delight. There was no complaining about being cold or the lack of bathrooms in the forest. We had cocoa and snacks. We picked the perfect tree. The views were breathtaking, even if we were freezing as we admired them. We had a wonderful time, the six of us.
But I don’t know if this will happen next year.
Our traditions have been changing for a few years now
I noticed a few years ago that the pile of Christmas picture books I always bring out went unread. With two of my children graduated from high school, we have fewer holiday choir concerts and piano recitals. I don’t have photos of my kids in big, poufy Christmas dresses and festive sweaters, posing in front of our tree anymore.
Even Christmas morning is different now that we don’t have eager kids jumping on us at 6 a.m. to get up. Our kids are happy to open presents and grateful for what they receive, but the unhinged enthusiasm of toddlers and preschoolers is long gone. I’m now the one jumping on beds to wake people up on Christmas morning.
I know things will change more in the future
As my kids get older, it might be harder to get everyone together for holiday activities. Our house was chaos when we had four little kids running around, but I was in charge. They did what I planned. Now, they’re making their own plans.
My college kid is graduating next year, and we don’t yet know where he’ll be at the end of 2025. There’s no guarantee he’ll be home on Tree Weekend. Last year, we were missing my older daughter who traveled to her grandparents’ house in California for Thanksgiving.
I won’t be the deciding force in my kids’ lives in the coming years, and that’s how it’s supposed to be. I want them to have jobs they enjoy and partners they love. I want them to live in a place that makes them happy. But each of those things has a pull on them that means they might not be home when I want them here.
I’m trying to focus on what matters most
In the end, how we get a Christmas tree isn’t what’s most important to me. I don’t even need to eat our Thanksgiving meal on actual Thanksgiving. If we give up some of our other holiday traditions, I can be OK with that, too.
What I really care about is everyone being together.
I moved 1,100 miles from my own parent, and we don’t often get to spend the holidays together. But we visit in the summer for longer than we’d be able to spend at Christmas. I’d rather have that extra time, even if it’s not during the holidays. I know I’m going to have to remind myself of this as my kids move out. I’ll focus on the time we have together, whenever that is.
I won’t give up all of our traditions, either. I’ll keep doing them with whoever is around and wants to participate. It might just be me and my husband some years, but I’m not going to stop doing things I enjoy because not everyone can be there.
I’m also giving myself permission to be sad. I didn’t expect everything to stay the same as when my kids were little. But I’m going to miss those days with everyone under my roof for the entire season. I can be happy for them, sad about things changing, and excited for everyone’s future all at once.
Meanwhile, I’m going to soak up all the time that I have with these guys this year. I’m going to savor every Christmas memory we make, even if I have to shamelessly guilt some of them into participating.
