Being nice may be the reason you’re not getting promoted at work

“Let me explain. If you are in an executive suite, you do not have to be a pleasure to work with or good at your job. You don’t have to be either of those. If you are at a VP or director level, you can either be really good at your job or a pleasure to work with. You don’t have to be both, and sometimes people are still neither.”

The people at the bottom, where the “actual work is being done,” Morris said, don’t tend to move up the ladder if they keep doing it well.

“I don’t know how to get out of that cycle, but I believe in it,” she said. “It’s a curse.”

A glass ceiling for the agreeable

It sounds cynical, but Morris might be onto something.

Paul Bramson, who offers leadership training programs as CEO of The Paul Bramson Companies, told Business Insider that competent, likable employees “often face a glass ceiling when it comes to promotions.”

Bramson said that when people have an underlying need to be liked, executive leaders can see it as a “weakness” or an inability to make tough decisions or have difficult conversations.

“A lack of firmness or assertiveness can be problematic, as it might seem like the individual isn’t taking people and decisions in hand effectively,” he said.

This is, of course, a generalisation. A company’s corporate culture and leadership style will impact which personality traits are considered during promotions. A person’s specific role and skill set also affect how much their personality changes their career trajectory.

The research on what traits workplaces favor is mixed.

A 2018 study from the Universities of Bristol, Minnesota, and Heidelberg found that being nice and conscientious had a “transitory and small” impact on someone’s success.

According to data from Truity Psychometrics, a company that designs personality and career tests, logical, analytical people tend to manage larger teams than those who are considered agreeable.

Disagreeable men in the workplace also have an edge and are paid more, according to 2011 research conducted by the University of Notre Dame, Cornell University, and the University of Western Ontario.

However, a 2020 study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that selfish, combative, and manipulative people are no more likely to get ahead at work than their good-hearted counterparts.

According to Cameron Anderson, a professor of organizational behavior at the University of California at Berkeley who conducted the study, dominance and kindness are both associated with rising up the ranks.

As BI previously reported, the assertiveness of being a jerk can help, but Anderson’s study suggests their lack of generosity holds them back.

Performance punishment

Experts say that in some organizations, high performers get overloaded with more work but aren’t necessarily rewarded or promoted, which is known as “performance punishment.”

Mary McConner, the founder and CEO of Inclusive Excellence Consulting, told BI this is when high performers get overloaded with work because they are reliable. People with an agreeable nature can find themselves in the same boat.

“Unfortunately, performance punishment often leads to burnout and resentment because their good work isn’t rewarded with advancement, but with more work,” McConner said.

While cooperative and reliable employees are strong contenders for promotions, they may be overlooked if they are perceived as less assertive or they are taken for granted, she

Mary Barnes, the CEO of the business consultancy Evolve Your Performance, told BI that in organizations with toxic cultures, “skewed values and misaligned metrics prevail.”

In certain environments, overconfident people with dark triad traits can easily climb the ranks and perpetuate a destructive cycle.

“In such environments, pleasant and competent employees often get sidelined,” Barnes said.

Even in healthier companies with better cultures, leaders can prioritize people who are emotionless and rational, Barnes added. But it’s soft skills that are actually vital.

“Managing down requires empathy and empowerment, treating people like whole humans instead of cogs in a corporate wheel,” Barnes said.

Some viewers of Morris’ video likened her observation to “The Peter Principle,” which is a management concept by the Canadian educationist Lawrence J. Peter.

It explains how people can be promoted based on their previous success rather than their suitability for a new role, finding themselves in positions they don’t yet have the skills for, and thus reach “a level of respective incompetence.”

Barnes said that people promoted to leadership positions may stop being so kind and competent if they struggle with this conundrum and start overcompensating for their imposter syndrome and micromanaging without empathy.

“Few master this balance, and those who don’t are destined to become mediocre leaders at best,” she said.

Being nice but ballsy can pay off

Luke Blaney, the managing director of the recruitment agency ARx, told BI there is “a lot of truth in the whole ‘nice guys finish last’ saying.”

“Especially if people aren’t prepared to even ask for what they want,” he added.

Blaney said it’s all in the delivery when asking for a raise or a promotion.

“I don’t think being ballsy enough to ask is the same as not being pleasant,” he said.

Carolina Caro, a leadership coach and CEO and founder of Conscious Leadership Partners, thinks times are changing, however. She told BI that she thinks the notion of being a tough leader is “completely outdated.”

Rather, businesses are now interested in people who can handle tough situations “tactfully and with compassion,” she said.

“Organizations are recognizing the need to invest in the development of their leaders so that they can be the type of leader that people want to work for and foster engagement,” Caro said. “That’s the goal — but it doesn’t mean all the organizations are there yet.”

Some companies have “remnants of archaic leadership models where the more aggressive you are as a leader, the better,” Caro said.

“But this type of leadership is generally seen as ineffective,” she added. “Particularly in today’s landscape with a multigenerational workforce that expects something completely different, or they simply leave.”