These days, we could do with all the mental strength we can muster.
Mental strength is the ability to productively regulate your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, even in the face of adversity. And adversity is in no short supply. If you want to overcome more challenges, achieve more success, experience more happiness and less stress — it takes mental strength.
After spending decades studying mental strength and interviewing and surveying thousands of people for my recent book, “The Mentally Strong Leader,“ I have good news. The mentally strongest people tend to share certain habits we can learn from. There are patterns I’ve noticed when it comes to what they say (and don’t say) and what they do.
If you always do these eight things, you’re already mentally stronger than most. If you don’t — yet! — you can look to this list as a mini-playbook that will help you level up your mental strength.
1. Manage emotions without minimizing them
That adage about how you should “leave your emotions at the door” just doesn’t work. If you’ve tried it, you know it’s not that simple.
That said, while mentally strong people are aware of emotions triggered inside, they don’t let those emotions instantly flow through into words or actions.
They catch their emotions, consider if they’re helpful to express, then decide how to respond. In other words, regarding unhelpful emotions, they catch it, check it, and change it (using the the 3 Cs of cognitive behavioral therapy).
2. Remember confidence isn’t the absence of doubt
We all contend with doubt. Even the most confident people I’ve interviewed experience doubt.
Confidence, then, is your ability to manage your relationship with the doubt you’ll inevitably experience.
The mentally strong have found the right middle ground between overconfident and paralyzed by fear of failure. They acknowledge doubt, but let it sit quietly in the background so they can focus on how they will accomplish something, not if they can accomplish it in the first place.
3. Talk to yourself like a friend in need
Imagine a friend, clearly upset and in need of empathy, was telling you about a relationship they just ended. After listening, would you say:
“How could you let this relationship fail? It’s all your fault, you jerk!”
I doubt it. Instead, you might say:
“I appreciate what you’re going through and how much it must hurt. Try not to be so hard on yourself.”
You should take this more compassionate tone with yourself, too.
4. Know your resilience needs and draw on resources accordingly
When we face setbacks, we often try to go it alone, forgetting that one of the most important things mentally strong people do is to seek perspective and support.
Know what your “resilience needs” are, and then draw on them. For example, when I experience setbacks, I call a sibling to laugh about it. My resilience need is to tackle challenges with humor, and I know my brothers or sister will recognize the comedy in the situation and make me feel better.
Others might need someone who will just listen, be a shoulder to cry on, or become an advisor.
Whatever your resilience needs are, identify who in your network can help you in that way, and then call on them at the right moments. Resilience is a team sport.
5. Don’t let the daily grind get you down
Mentally strong people don’t get worn down as much by the daily grind.
Whether or not they realize it, they engage in a combination of gratitude and mindfulness — a practice I call grindfulness. It means being present and mindful enough in daily life to notice the details and show gratitude for the positive aspects of whatever grind you find yourself in.
For example, say you’re having a tough morning at work. You’re answering a string of emails that came in overnight, and you’re frustrated. But you stop to marvel at the fact that you can type a few words, hit a button, and within seconds, your thoughts are transmitted to someone halfway across the world. Amazing.
Your appreciation for this mundane detail lifts your spirits just a little, helping your mood. That’s grindfulness.
6. Unlearn as needed
Mentally strong people recognize when to let go of preconceived notions. They know when to drop points of view and ideas that are no longer relevant or useful to them. They identify and ditch bad habits that prevent them from moving forward productively. They regularly challenge their assumptions.
In short, they know they sometimes need to unlearn in order to learn.
Start by identifying and exchanging your limiting beliefs. What unhelpful stories do you tell yourself that have become ingrained? What unwarranted labels are you applying?
For instance, you might label yourself as less talented than your peers and tell yourself: “I’m not good enough to get promoted.” Replace those limiting beliefs with empowering beliefs like, “I have all the skills needed to get promoted.”
7. Act like an epicenter of encouragement
It takes mental strength to consistently be supportive of others, especially in the face of negativity, when others are doing the easy thing and jumping on the “Complain Train.”
Even better than generic encouragement or positivity is informed encouragement, which is when you give praise or positive reinforcement that is specific in nature. Doing so shows you took the time and care to indicate exactly what deserves praise and why, making your words feel more authentic and meaningful.
8. Act like change is happening for you, not to you
In times of change, you can act like change is something bad that causes pain and requires unwanted effort — like it’s something happening to you.
Mentally strong people, on the other hand, see change as something positive, a jumping off point that can improve personal and professional fortunes — like it’s something that happens for you.
You can choose to see change as a personal software upgrade, a catalyst for growth, and another opportunity to exercise your mental strength muscles.
Scott Mautz is a popular speaker, trainer, and LinkedIn Learning instructor. He’s a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble, where he ran several of the company’s largest multi-billion-dollar businesses. He is the author of “The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors.” Follow him on LinkedIn.
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