This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Nur Anderson, founder of Can’t Relate. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I grew up in a pretty typical household, where my parents worked hard to give me, my brother, and my sister the things we really wanted. I appreciated how hard they worked, but I also had very expensive taste. I was into fashion and wanted everything Prada and Gucci.
I started working young to support my habit. When I was 14, I got a job selling jeans, making about $7 an hour. I had to work nonstop to afford the $800 sneakers I wanted. It was always the kicks for me. If my mom found a receipt, I’d make up some excuse, like, “Oh, they were on sale; I didn’t really pay that.”
My dad was a mechanic and a Vietnam vet. He was steady. My mom had the hustle. She managed a telemarketing firm, so she knew about sales. From her, I learned how to strive in order to get ahead.
I started my brand after my brother’s death
In high school, I had two loves: basketball and fashion. I worked in high-end retail jobs and played as much ball as possible until an injury put me on the sidelines. After that, I knew clothing would be my career.
I tried college but quickly dropped out. Then, when I was 22, my life changed. My brother Malik, who was 26, was shot and killed during an argument. Malik was my best friend. After losing him, I didn’t know what to do, so I joined the Army Reserves.
There, I started to think about creating a clothing brand with the mission of ending senseless gun violence. It would be a way to combine my love of clothing and my love for my brother and keep Malik’s memory alive. Can’t Relate officially started back in 2017. Today, the brand is worth about $1.6 million.
I didn’t want to even consider kids while I was growing my company
As an adult, I’ve been really intentional about my choices. After Malik died, I felt a lot of responsibility for my family. My dad had also died young, so I knew I had to take care of my mom and sister. If I had a child too early, I might never be able to thrive financially the way that I wanted to and needed to for my family.
So, I started saying that I wasn’t going to have a child until my company was doing $1 million in sales. The money was one thing, but I also knew that until the company was established at that level, I wouldn’t have the time to raise a family. Growing a company and growing a family are both challenging and I want to give each my all.
I still have a fatherly role — and plan to have kids someday
In the meantime, I spend a lot of time with my nephews, who are 10, 4, and 2. My oldest nephew Zach says he’s going to take over the business someday. That’s so exciting for me to hear. Still, I do want kids of my own — when the time is right.
I’m also focused on reaching youth I have no relation to — the millions of kids impacted by gun violence. I want teens to know that no matter their circumstances, they can still thrive. Don’t let your doubts get in the way of your hopes and dreams.
That’s a legacy that my brother and I can both be proud of.
