This as-told-to essay is based on a transcribed conversation with Elif Köse, a 40-year-old confidence coach based in Brighton, England, about her decision to have a nose job to boost her confidence. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
Seven years ago, I traveled to Turkey to get a nose job.
Ever since I was a little girl, I felt self-conscious about a bend in my nose.
Growing up, kids on my street got endless amusement from calling me names about my nose. I tried to brush it off, but their words cut deep and stuck with me.
The bend in my nose wasn’t particularly noticeable to others as I became an adult, but I constantly compared my nose to others. I wore sunglasses whenever I could to mask the part of my nose I disliked.
Even though it bothered me for years, I was too frightened to get work done on it. I’d heard horror stories about the surgeries going wrong and didn’t want to risk the unknown.
At 25, I married the man I would divorce six years later. I also ran a fashion boutique in Brighton, England.
Despite having a successful relationship and business, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. The shape of my nose was always on my mind.
After a divorce, I craved a fresh start
Everything changed when I went through a divorce in 2016. During and immediately after the divorce, I went through the grief process, unpicking and introspectively evaluating myself and my life.
Off the back of this process, I craved a fresh start. I wanted to feel different, to look different. I knew work on my nose could be part of the answer.
A friend of mine had just undergone the surgery I would need. She couldn’t stop raving about how it had changed her life. She felt more confident about her looks but also more confident about who she was as a person. She encouraged me to take the same leap.
A few months after my divorce, I started dating another man. He had a close friend from university who was a head nurse at a hospital in Turkey. The friend agreed to oversee my care and guide me through the process if I were to go through with the surgery in Turkey
I decided it was time to do what I had dreamed of for so long — to get a nose I loved. I was ready to start over in life, to leave behind the old me for the new.
Getting a nose job was a powerful transformation
I traveled to Istanbul, where I’m originally from, for the surgery. Laying on the table, I thought about myself as a little girl judged based on something as simple as the shape of my nose. I thought about the years of doubt and fear and how they had shaped me.
And then, I let go of all of it, ready for all that was ahead.
Once the swelling reduced, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt beautiful and confident. To others, I didn’t appear to look different, but the change inside me was huge.
I no longer cared what people thought about my work, making me more courageous with my designs.
I created a new website for the business and started selling globally online. I approached TK Maxx — as T.J. Maxx is known in the UK — and they agreed to buy some of my stock.
I would have never done any of this before the nose job.
Having undergone surgery, something I had feared for so long, I was empowered to do the same with my business — making potentially risky decisions.
I relaunched my fashion label, focusing on high-end, bespoke designs, and moved away from high-street retail. I took a risk and invested in gaining international exposure, displaying my designs at fashion shows in New York and Paris.
The risk paid off. The visibility from these events successfully positioned my brand as a specialist in creating exclusive, custom gowns. As a result, I now cater to a select clientele buying bespoke dresses for special events or small collections for other businesses.
This strategic move was great for my business. I began to be nominated and win local business awards of the back of my success.
I changed careers to align with my new confidence
In 2021, I went on a retreat and felt something needed to change. But this time, it had nothing to do with how I looked.
For years, I’d helped women look good on the outside. They would come into my shop unsure and leave feeling confident in beautiful clothing.
Now, I wanted to help them feel better about themselves no matter how they looked, something I wish I could have done for all those years before my nose job.
After studying breathwork and taking coaching courses, I became a transformational confidence coach in April 2021.
Since then, I’ve worked with clients, helping them achieve personal and professional success more confidently.
I’m continuing to work as a fashion designer on the side, but I only take on projects I’m really excited about.
If it hadn’t been for my nose job, I wouldn’t have taken risks as a fashion designer or had the confidence to change careers. That big step led to other big steps in my career. It was a bold move that gave me the confidence to make other bold moves.
