- My wife and I had always wanted three kids.
- We had our two daughters in our 30s, and my wife had a couple of miscarriages between the pregnancies.
- I convinced her to have one more baby in our 40s, and we’ve had to give up a lot of family time.
Having kids in my 30s was one of the best decisions of my life. My wife and I were newly married and excited about making a family. We always wanted three kids — two boys and a daughter I was sure I would dote on.
After having our first child, Sophia, my wife and I struggled with two miscarriages before having another daughter, Leila. I convinced my wife to have one more baby in our 40s.
It wasn’t as easy as I thought it’d be.
Raising kids in our early 30s was fun
Despite the struggles, our two daughters were the blessings that we prayed for. Although I worked a full time job, up to 40 hours a week, my wife worked fewer hours, and this made carving time out for them easy.
Weekends were strictly all about family. Disneyland, carnivals, movies, you name it, we did it. As we soared through parenting and learned along the way, I desired a third child and decided to talk to my wife about it. At this point, our daughters were already 12 and 13, and I didn’t think I would be too old to have another child in my 40s.
It took a lot of convincing to get my wife on board. I understood the pressures that women were subjected to when it came to having a child in their 40s. The term “advanced maternal age” was the biggest turn-off for her.
She also wasn’t particularly excited about changing diapers and having a toddler running around, but I promised to be more involved and cut back office hours if I had to. Besides, our daughters were older and I thought we would get away with a date night or two as they helped in watching their sibling. It all felt very natural and exciting.
We had a baby in our 40s
Our third pregnancy was a different experience. My wife had complications with pre-eclampsia and high blood pressure. She had to stay in bed for her entire third trimester, and I was faced with the task of holding down the fort.
Since Sophia and Leila were older, it was easy to keep them on a schedule. And by the time baby Mason made his earth debut, the family was well-structured, or so I thought. I was excited about having a son, and I kept the promise to cut back on time at work and be more present with the family.
It took a considerable amount of time for my wife to recover after having our son. Her progress wasn’t as swift as it was when she had our daughters in her early 30s. That in itself presented a challenge as I continuously worried about her overall health.
Sleep deprivation is harder now
Like most babies, our son constantly keeps us up at night. He isn’t a good sleeper.
Sleep deprivation has become a constant enemy, and waking up tired is the norm. In the grand scheme of things, it’s all worth it, but when you have to report early to work in the morning, it’s stressful.
Mason is 2.5 years old now, and my wife and I have had to give up a lot of quality time. The last time we went out on a date night was a year ago. Our daughters are not exactly keen on babysitting. They are out with their friends and living their lives most days (and nights), and we encourage them to do so. I was doing the same in my teenage years.
While we are older, wiser, and more financially secure, we are still struggling with the common elements of parenting in our 40s. We’ve had to re-learn things like carrying our son around during errands, learning how to make baby food again, keeping late nights, and singing lullabies, but we are getting better every day.
I’m content with how we raised our first two kids and I don’t intend to drop the ball with this one. We still have a lot of learning, re-learning and unlearning to do, but we are getting there, one step at a time.
