- When his son was born, Christopher Mannino, 44, was a high school theater teacher in 2016.
- He had a short paternity leave and got panic attacks because he rarely saw his son.
- Day care costs were also expensive, so he decided to become a stay-at-home dad instead.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Christopher Mannino, author of the coming book “Making It Up: A Revolutionary Way to Bond With Kids Through Play.” It has been edited for length and clarity.
After my son was born, I started having panic attacks at work.
I was a high school theater teacher in Maryland — my dream job. I taught six drama classes and ran a massive theater program, grateful I could focus solely on the subject I loved rather than teaching it only as an after-school extracurricular.
It was also difficult. I only got three days of paternity leave; I was told, quite bluntly, that if I took more, I might be switched to teaching a different subject when I returned. Knowing this, my wife and I deliberately planned her pregnancy so she would give birth over the summer, when I’d have more time at home.
Things got worse once the school year started. I was often the first person to come in and the last to leave. I also often worked weekends, directing show rehearsals or improv events.
During that time, I frequently felt stressed and guilty that I wasn’t becoming the father I always wanted to be. I would pick my son up from day care and feel like I never saw him.
So when our son was 6 months old, I quit my job and became a stay-at-home dad to him and, later, his sister. After six years of staying at home, I’m grateful for our time together.
We weren’t happy with our day care
As it is for many American parents, our childcare was very expensive. We put our son into day care when he was 2 months old, right when my wife’s maternity leave was over.
After taxes, my mandatory union fee, healthcare reduction, and retirement savings, I spent most of each paycheck on day care.
We also had concerns about the quality of care our son was receiving. We started looking into other childcare options, including in-home services, but couldn’t afford them. Others didn’t have availability.
At one point in our search, we asked ourselves why we were doing this. My wife made a lot more than I did for fewer hours. After talking it out, I quit my job and stayed home full-time.
It was scary to suddenly move to one income, but then we remembered we didn’t have to pay for childcare. Financially, everything evened out pretty well.
Leaving my comfort zone
Besides our initial fear of being on one income, which is less common these days, I also never met a stay-at-home dad before. I knew it was unusual, and being called “Mr. Mom” by family members solidified how strange it seemed to others.
I also had to adjust from working full-time. My high-energy job, which involved working with over 300 students a year, dwindled to spending all my hours with a baby. It was very jarring at first.
It took me about a year to feel confident. At first, I would take my son to storytime and playgrounds, where I would be the only dad among 15 moms. I’d feel uncomfortable approaching women I’d never met and asking to set up playdates.
Things started to change when I realized I could recreate the best parts of my job at home. I read a book called “The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad” and learned the trick was leaving my comfort zone and meeting as many people as possible. Over time, I felt more confident talking to new parents.
Once a week, I took my son on an adventure, branching away from playgrounds and libraries. We went to museums, to the zoo, to the beach. When the pandemic hit, we built a rocket ship in the living room. Our rocket was powered by song, and we came up with one that lists all the planets in order. We still sing it to this day.
Staying home for 2 kids
Our daughter was born in 2019 when our son was 3.
By the time he entered preschool, I was more experienced as a stay-at-home dad. We’d moved to Delaware, and I remember taking my daughter to Valley Forge, a historical park with Revolutionary War forts on display. I still remember when she put her hands on her head and said, “Dad, I’m done. No more George Washingblub.”
Another time, we were grocery shopping, and I could tell she was about to have a tantrum. We played a game where she “froze” me in the freezer aisle. Some parents watched us, bemused at me standing in funny poses while she giggled.
Once my daughter started preschool in 2023, I became a part-time substitute teacher to have more flexibility in case either kid got sick or had a day off. I’ve since changed careers, becoming a full-time author and working on a book about my experiences as a stay-at-home dad.
I still fondly look back on my dream job as a theater teacher. I’m proud of the work I did, and I know that some of my former students now have careers in Hollywood and New York.
I also know I would’ve missed out on so much had I stuck to only seeing my kids on weekends. Dreams change, and this ended up being the better one.
