This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Shauna Sweeney, founder and CEO of tendercare. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My dad, Mike, is a formidable human. He raised me and my brother as a single dad. He was a bar pilot, navigating massive cargo ships under the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. He loved the work and planned to do it well into his 70s.
Then, a routine physical required for his job turned up concerning results. Further testing showed my dad had early-onset Alzheimer’s. He was only in his 50s, and he still seemed so young. He was even an ultra runner.
It was absolutely devastating. I knew that both our lives had changed forever.
I became my dad’s caregiver while living on the opposite coast
At the time, I was in a global leadership role at Facebook (which later became Meta). I was flying around the world every other week. At home, my now-husband and I were raising his daughters, who were 6 and 7.
Despite that, it was immediately clear that a lot of the caregiving would fall on me. I have a brother, but these diagnoses hit people differently. He was deep in his grief while I was ready to take action.
My first instinct was to move to California right away to be close to my dad. But my husband and I had committed to staying in New York so the girls could also be close to their mom. I felt really torn, but had to make it work. I spent a lot of time flying across the country, working at Facebook’s headquarters while staying with my dad.
I saw a huge gap in technology between work and caregiving
I felt like I was living in two worlds. At work, I was overseeing projects that were really pushing the definition of what we as humans could achieve, like live-streaming the Earthrise from the international space station.
After work, I was dealing with a broken, ineffective system trying to care for my dad. At one point, he lost his insurance coverage because I had missed a piece of paper mail. I knew there had to be a better way.
It was clear I wasn’t alone. I started a Facebook group for people taking care of aging parents, and more than 4,000 people joined.
I use tech to monitor my dad constantly
My dad is now 70 and well into midstage Alzheimer’s, but he still lives at home, alone. That’s virtually unheard of. I’ve been able to use technology to care for him 24/7 despite living on the other side of the country.
I get notifications every time someone enters or leaves his house. At night, I get a notification if he gets out of bed, and I have emergency contacts that I can call to check on him. We FaceTime every night, and I visit in person at least once a month.
I also manage all logistics. I have a calendar with my dad’s every detail, right down to how often he trims his toenails. I text with his daytime caregivers and can see their notes. It’s not too different from how moms communicate with their nanny or preschool teacher.
I started an app for other caregivers
One day, looking at my Excel file for the millionth time, I realized I needed to start an app for managing caregiving duties. That was the seed for tendercare, which provides guidance, organization, and community to caregivers.
I founded the app in 2022 and worked on it for about a year while maintaining my role at Meta. I was the breadwinner, so stepping away from my corporate salary was terrifying. I felt guilty about how it might impact my kids. My family has had to scale back spending. We indulge in simple joys, like spending time with our chickens or swimming in local lakes instead of far-off vacations.
Those changes are well worth it. It means so much for me to use my heartbreak to give other people a tool I wish I had. I know it would mean a lot to my dad, too.
